Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

2004-07-01 - 4:20 p.m.

Just when I think I've run out of shit to write about, the amazing blackpanty once again inspires.

So......philosophical masturbation.

Something I really never though of before, but now that the topic is brought up seems quite interesting.

I suppose philosophical masturbation would be using masturbation as a tool to inspire new philosophies on life, and to just improve the American way of life in general.

This I suppose sounds a bit absurd, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense.

Sex is really one of the biggest aspects of American culture. It's everywhere you look....in every aspect of media, on the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the booze we drink.......yesh.....booze.

.....sweet booze........

Okay, sorry, I'm done. Just had to have a moment in honor of raging alcoholism.....

Anyway, moving on......since sex is such a huge part of our lives, why is masturbation in many cases considered a bit taboo? Everyone needs to get off, right?

So, I propose that we as Americans begin to strongly encourage masturbation. Think about it, people.

How many more students would stay in school if they could just whip it out and beat it in class instead of having to cut class and hide somewhere to spank the monkey?

How many women would be less bitchy during that special time of the month if they could just stop what they're doing, sit down on the bench outside the mall and whip out the vibrator?

An increase in public masturbation could reduce road rage incidents, cut back on teen pregnancy, reduce the risk of STD's, and possibly even prevent federal crimes in some cases.

I'd definitely be willing to bet that at some point there was a guy sitting outside a bank with a gun thinking, "God, if I could just spank it right now, I wouldn't have to rob this place and kill everyone inside."

But can he?!?!?!?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because everyone in America is so fucking terrified of seein a big hairy ballsack, that poor bastard went and ruined his life and quite a few other lives. AND IT'S OUR FAULT!!!! NOT HIS!!!!!!

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, LET THE FUCKING BANK ROBBERS BEAT OFF!!!!!!

And to all you women out there.....

I know it's that special time of the month, so you're pissed off and think everyone needs to die.

You know what? It's not the fault of the guy behind the cash register at Dunkin Donuts that you're bloated and pissed off, so leave the poor guy alone! Quit your fuckin bitching about how you asked the guy for cream and sugar in your coffee and he gave you cream and sugar and now you wanna rip his fuckin head off for being a man and doing exactly what you asked for. Drop your fuckin panties, lift up the skirt and whip out the 18" dildo. Drink your fuckin coffee, get the fuck off, and shutup.

.....Okay, i suppose this little rant proved nothing about masturbation's relation towards philosophies of life, but I do believe everyone can see how a little public monkey beating could greatly improve everyone's day, and that's good enough for me.

So guys, start spankin it. Women, break out the toys....or the fingers or the egg beaters or blenders or electric steak carving knives or whatever the fuck you prefer. Whip it out and enjoy, people. You might go to jail for it now, but I promise when Eli-Qaeda achieves it's goal of world domination you will be set free and all will have the freedom to masturbate at any given time or place.

I SHALL RULE THIS LAND!!!!!!!

OBEY FOOLS!!!!!!!!

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!