2004-12-20 - 1:02 a.m.
I have a question for all of my female readers. Last week my wife (yes, i have a wife now for those of you who didn't know) said to me that when she worked at Victoria's Secret they allowed men to go into the changing rooms with women in her store. I don't know if it's still the same or if this is at all Victoria's Secret stores, but anyway my question is what exactly is Victoria's Secret? Would it be what is going on behind those dressing room doors? If that's it I'd be quite disappointed, because that's not a very good secret at all. Or is Victoria's Secret the fact that their products were less expensive to make than the shit at K-Mart so they're making about a 99% profit margin? Or is it that Tyra Banks is really a man?
My best theory right now is that the real secret being kept by Victoria is that the profits made in her store are really going towards funding for the world's first time machine in which Tyra Banks will be sent back to the days of George Washington. Immediately upon his becoming the first president of our nation, she will assasinate him and create an entirely new government run by femminists who will use men for slave labor and breeding. Each home will have one man chained up in the basement for the purposes of procreating the species, and the rest will be made to work in cotton fields and factories and such. By our present time, Victoria, who will also have discovered the secret to immortality through the profits of her bras and panties, will be the Queen of our humble earth. She will rule with an iron fist, giving violent spankings to any man who dares raise a defiant eye towards her or her minions. Football will never have come into existence, there will only be soap operas and TLC specials on plastic surgery on television. The number one selling items on E-bay will be vibrators and showerheads, and Barbara Streisand will be the Vice Queen of the World.
Anyway, that's just my theory. If anyone really knows what secret Victoria is hiding, or who Victoria really is, I would very much like to know.
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